


Halloween

by pockets_full_of_posies



Category: Bill Hader - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Halloween
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pockets_full_of_posies/pseuds/pockets_full_of_posies
Summary: Bill and his new neighbor get close on Halloween
Relationships: Bill Hader/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 9





	Halloween

Allie stood on her front porch, one arm lightly resting on one of the front columns, the other wrapped around an impossibly large bowl filled with as much candy as she could fit in it. L _Why did I buy a bowl this fucking big? And why did I have to buy this much candy?_

_Because I had to. Because I bought this giant thing and I had to fill it three times over. Just in case._

She checked her watch. It was 9:47. 

Not one more kid is coming down this street tonight, she thought as she leaned to set the bowl and it’s excess of candy down on the wooden boards of her porch.

A sudden, strong gust of wind forced its way up and onto her porch and curled itself around her, squeezing her skin, her lungs. It’s abrupt presence caught her by surprise, its grip tight. For a moment she felt the air leave her lungs like it was planning to go and never come back. Her heart jumped and she felt her mind begin to slide, but just for a moment. In the next beat, her lungs relaxed and the air found its home in them again.

She still felt herself shudder at the memory of the panic that had just bloomed inside of her. _It was just the wind. It's colder than they said it was going to be tonight. That's all._

The small white lights strung around the top edges of the porch and awning blinked out once, twice, and came back on, twinkling again against the dark backdrop of the sky. One portion had come loose from it’s hook, a result of the stiff and unexpected gust. It swung there, lazy in the aftermath. Almost mocking her. _Fucking dammit._ She thought. It had taken her forever to hang those up. 

She shivered again, this time she felt the cold sinking below the surface of her skin. She was getting a chill, the kind of chill that you can’t shake off no matter how many blankets you throw on. No matter how many logs get thrown onto the fire in front of you.

She stood up and tightly pulled her cardigan around her and her bare arms. _Why did I wear this tank top tonight? I know it’s LA, but it’s still fucking October. And they said, someone said it was going to be cold tonight._

But it was almost okay because her cardigan was so warm and thick and soft. It was a beautiful cream color cable knit, with light gray chevrons encircling it. Her daughter had helped her pick it out. It was so very cozy, its threads thick and luxurious on her bare arms and shoulders. She silently thanked her daughter for talking her into getting it. 

As she looked back out at the street, she caught her eyes going fuzzy. In and out of focus at the soft lights she saw there, out on the street and throughout the neighborhood, with all of its silken lights and decorations. Everything was gentle around her. 

The last few stragglers, ghouls and goblins and devils, the big kids, were wandering away down the street. Home to take stock of their newly acquired inventory.

Her ocean blue eyes were bright as she took in the quiet scene that had fallen all around her and along the street. The wonderful calm that always seems to come after chaos. 

She turned away from the steps, the dark, chestnut embers of her hair falling over her shoulders. She looked down at the giant bowl of candy at her feet, wondering what she was going to do with all of it. _Well I can’t just throw it away. And I am certainly not going to give all of this to the kids. Maybe I could put some in the class treasure chest? But it might be too---_

A little voice behind her spoke up, making her heart jump forward and her bones jump nearly out of her skin.

“Trick or treat?”

She looked back at where the small, quiet voice had come from, two feet below her. 

A little ghost stood there. His costume was a blue pillowcase covered in clouds with two holes cut out for his eyes, shoved over his little head.

He stuck another pillowcase out to her. This one covered in rainbows.

“I’m sorry, um, trick or treat?” he said from somewhere inside of that pillowcase.

She looked down at this little ghost, and somewhere inside her, she felt whatever he was feeling in that moment. Fear? Sadness? Anxiety? Worry? All of those and more, most likely.

“I’m really sorry I’m late. But my dad forgot to pick me up. Well, he remembered. But it was late. Well, it wasn’t late, it was just later than it was supposed to be. And he forgot my costume. I was going to be Iron Man. But now I’m a ghost. I think. I think it’s an ok costume. He, well, him and my mom figured it out. I think it’s an ok costume. Do you think so? I think it’s ok.”

His little hands seemed to tremble as he held his makeshift bag out to her.

She was jarred by his innermost thoughts, said aloud to her. But she was only taken aback by his honesty for just for a moment.

She looked up from him and out to the sidewalk. A man stood there, his head down, the glow from his phone illuminating his face. He smiled down at it. His smile was rotten and swollen. The black and slinking grin on the face of a jack-o-lantern left out on the front steps for one too many days. 

Her eyes broke from the man on the sidewalk and she looked back at the little ghost. She kneeled down so she could look him in his eyes. “Not only do I think that your costume is awesome, it’s probably my favorite of the night. You are a very, VERY spooky ghost. And for that, guess what? You get to pick out all of the candy you want.” She reached over and brought the giant bowl full of candy to rest on her knees.

She couldn’t see them that well, but in that moment, she thought the little ghost’s eyes lit up. 

“Are you sure? Is that ok?” he asked, looking back at the nightmare that waited for him on the sidewalk. As he turned to look back at her, she nodded her head. She saw a light shining in those little ghost eyes. She was grinning and she felt that maybe he was grinning too, behind the clouds that floated lazily on the pillowcase that covered his tiny form. It was almost like they were sharing an inside joke. Or a scary story that would frighten everyone else. Even the big kids. 

He looked down from her, already leaning over the bowl that was sat on her knees, starting to pick and choose what he would like to take and what he would rather not.

“Of course it’s ok. You’re my favorite ghost of all time.” As the little one picked out what kind of candy treasure he would like to take home, she looked once more at his father out on the sidewalk. The street was dark, save for a few low lights here and there. He was turned away now, his back to them. Only the side of his face was lit now, by the glow of the screen on his phone. He looked imposing and wicked in the darkness, the faint glow that the street lights threw onto his face made him into a specter. He looked dangerous, almost evil. Like he could be someone that might break her shins. Or drag her to hell. Or both.

She looked back down at the little ghost. He seemed to be finishing up taking the candy treasures that he wanted. She was half tempted to just pour the entire bowl into his little makeshift candy holster. Instead she took two giant handfuls and put them into his rainbow covered pillowcase.

His eyes went wide underneath the clouds. “Um, thank you! Thank you! Trick or treat!” The little ghost ran back out to the real ghoul that waited for him on the sidewalk.

“You’re welcome! Happy Halloween!” she called out to him. She made sure he grabbed the demon’s hand before they walked away.

She turned back to her front door, a deep sigh escaping from her as she set the bowl down on the table inside her entryway. 

“OUCH! WHAT THE FUCK!” someone yelled out behind her. 

This was a man’s voice. _Should I look? What if it’s the demon man?_

But she had to look, that was just her nature. She always had to make sure everyone was alright.

She went back out onto her porch, the lights above her still off kilter and swinging lazily in the leftover wind. She gathered her cardigan around her again and squinted against their light, looking for where that voice had come from. It was familiar. 

“Holy fucking SHIT. NEVER AGAIN.” The voice said this to everyone and no one. 

She scanned the street, looking for the distress call.

And then her eyes adjusted to the light and dark and they landed on him. Him. Right across the street. He had moved in a few months ago and the neighborhood had gone crazy. “A real, what, celebrity? Living right here? Just, with the rest of us? Like, normal? I wonder if he… Do you think he...” and she had tuned them out and off at that point. She was unimpressed and not interested. 

Since then though, since he had moved in, she had seen him out and about. She had seen him carrying in groceries, mowing his yard. Playing tag and king of the hill with his girls in their front yard. She had felt so warmed by that. _If he’s anything, he’s a good dad._ she thought. His youngest had even found her way into the preschool class she taught at the local academy. 

But now, there he was, sitting down in the middle of the pathway that led up to his house. His right knee was in his hands. He was rocking back and forth.

She ventured out onto her front steps.

“Bill?” she called out. “Are you ok?”

“No! Holy shit. God-fucking-dammit!” 

She quickly made her way down her front steps and across her yard and the street, over to him. 

_You didn’t look both ways._

She shook that thought out of her head.

She found him there, still sitting down in the middle of his own walkway, holding his right knee up towards his face. A tear in his jeans showed a nasty cut. A giant scrape, one where you could see underneath the skin. There was gravel in it. 

“Hey, hey, what happened?” Her eyes on him, concern swept across her face. 

“Well, I tripped over that fucking thing right there.” He pointed to a Razor scooter toppled over in the part of his front yard closest to the walkway. It was almost entirely hidden in the grass.

She bent over him, looking at the damage. “Oh my gosh, wow, ok well-”

He looked up at her in that moment, his blue eyes blazing. “Allie? Oh thank God. I hoped that was you. I thought it was someone else.” His eyes trailed over to the stucco house to his left. As they both looked toward the house next door, a blind closed shut quickly. “I thought, I mean it would have been a nice thing, but I thought you might have been someone else…” his voice trailed off. Relief seemed to flood his face and frame. 

He was still holding his knee almost to his face.

“So, Allie, are you sure it’s you? Cause I can’t even trust my own eyes or balance or even myself right now. I can’t see a fucking thing out here. FUCK.” He held his knee closer. He tried to give it a kiss, trying to parent his own hurt. His arms and legs were shaking from the pain he was feeling. He was starting to lose it.

“Yeah it’s me.” She gently placed a hand on his shoulder, her voice soothing. “Ok, so do you have any, I don’t know, iodine? Or rubbing alcohol? Just nearby?”

He looked up at her again with confusion wandering across his face. “Io-what? I mean there's some rubbing alcohol in there somewhere. I think.” He started to try and stand, his legs and arms wobbly.

“Ok, ok, alright, just hang on. Don’t try and stand up just yet. You’re fine. Just let me think real quick.” A thousand thoughts passed in and out of her mind. Her natural instincts as a mother and teacher took over in that moment. “Ok, look, I have an emergency kit right over across the way. It’s right inside. Is it ok if I take you over there? Are your girls here or-”

“No, they're at a friend's house tonight. And yes, please help me,” he groaned, standing up with a grimace. He looked down at his knee and the gravel that had found a home within it. 

“Oh shit! I knew it hurt but what in the fuck is that shit! I can’t even bend it! Allie, oh, god, please, I need help.” As he finally stood up all the way, he hopped on his left foot and put his arm around her shoulders, trying to steady himself as he towered over her. She was his crutch, as much as she could be, against the surprisingly heavy weight of his lanky frame. 

They limped slowly from one yard to another, his gait unsteady and unsure. Across the street. _They didn’t look both ways._ She scolded herself once again. She knew better.

They gingerly walked up her front steps to her entryway. She led him inside and helped set him down on the floor outside of the bathroom. She started towards its door, towards the medicine he needed, kept in messy drawers.

“Hey! Twins!” he motioned to the tear in the right knee of her black skinny jeans as he pointed down to the tear in his, blood seeping towards the broken threads.

She looked down at the tear in the knee of her jeans. A forgotten casualty in her attempt to save a little one from a tumble off of the swings this morning.

Her eyes glanced downward and met his. They were shimmering and they shone back at her from his place on the floor. “Yeah, twins. You owe me a Coke. Or, wait, is that jinx?” He smiled up at her, his grin bright and a little crooked and fitting for tonight.

A smile slowly lit up her face. She leaned down over him, putting her hands between her knees, her cardigan falling open. Her posture in that moment was a familiar one to her, that of a mother and teacher asking a child to admit to getting caught trying to sneak a cookie during nap time. 

“Mr. Hader, are you, are you high right now?” She leaned closer to him and whispered the last part of the question next to his ear. The ocean in her eyes welling up against the current of warm, calm happiness that had made a home within her chest. She couldn’t quite tell why she was feeling this way, but she welcomed it all the same. 

As he looked at her, his eyes were low and twinkling. He raised a finger to the wide, mischievous smile that had taken over his face, his laugh lines making his sleepy eyes even softer.

“Shhhhhh. I won’t tell if you won’t.” He began to laugh at himself and he slapped his injured knee, right where he had fallen.

“Oh, FUCK MY LIFE! Bill, you fucking MORON.” He sucked in air through clenched teeth and began hugging his knee, rocking back and forth again.

It took every drop of strength within herself not to burst out laughing and she hid her face away from him so he didn’t see how close she had come to breaking.

“Ok, alright, look, just, sit still. Let me go get the stuff I need so I can bandage up your battle wound.” She stood and quickly made her way to the drawers in the bathroom that held everything a parent needed when raising three accident prone kids. She gathered what she needed and headed back to where he still trembled on the wooden boards of her foyer, his back gently bumping the wall behind him as his body shuddered forwards and back again. His eyes were closed tightly as he mumbled to himself under his breath. 

She knelt and set several items down on the floor beside him. A warm, soapy washcloth was slung over her forearm. He heard her setting things down and opened one eye to look at her and what she was doing. “What’s all that stuff? Don’t I just need a bandaid or something?” He went back to his swaying rhythm. 

“No, Bill, I’m afraid not.” She took the washcloth from her arm and started to roll his pant leg up his calf and gently over his knee. “I’m going to need you to be brave. Ok?”

He opened both of his eyes wide and looked at her. “Wait, what do you mean be brave? What are you going to do-” he was not quite able to finish his question before she began to gently wipe away the dirt and gravel away from the wound. “Oh my GOD that hurts! What are you doing!” he was talking to her but his face was now turned towards the ceiling.

“I’ve got to clean all of this dirt and gravel out first. You’re doing great.” Allie couldn’t help but smile inwardly. Her preschoolers had never put up such a fight over soap and water on their scrapes. Only when it came time to wash their hands. 

“First? You mean there’s more after this? Isn’t the bandaid next?” he was still looking upwards.

“Have you never cleaned a scrape before? What about with your girls?” _Are you sure this man is a father? How have those girls survived up to this point?_

“No, well yes, I, it’s just that I can’t stand the sight of blood. I was never the one that took care of that…” he trailed off. She could tell that this was not the time to ask any follow up questions.

“Well you’re doing great. But this next part, I’m gonna really need you to be extra, extra brave, ok?” His eyes flew down from from where they had been focused on the ceiling and found hers. 

“What do you mean extra, EXTRA brave-” he stopped mid sentence as she picked up the old bottle of iodine. “What the hell is that? Why does it look red? Why does it look like it came from a fucking apothocary?” He was starting to spin out. She impulsively reached for his hand and began to caress small circles on his palm to calm him. Like she did with her own children when they began to panic.

“It’s iodine. It’s an antiseptic. So this doesn’t get infected. It’s going to sting, but you can squeeze my hand if it gets to be too much, ok?” He nodded to her, his eyes filled with worry. _Is this man really 42?_

She knew he needed a distraction before he started to spiral all the way out. A thought ran across her mind as she remembered hearing somewhere that he really liked movies. “Hey, why don't you look up back there” she motioned up behind her at a framed poster that hung above the little side table where the bowl of candy sat. A woman took up the frame, her right hand reaching towards the sky as she desperately tried to free herself from the dark mire she seemed to be stuck in with her left. A rotten hand, flung upward from the darkness below her, was wrapped around her throat.

He looked up to where she had waved her hand. "Wait, is that an original Evil Dead poster? That's one of my favorite movies! I would have given anything to be on that set. How did you get that?" This came out all in one breath.

"My kids got it for me for Christmas a few years ago. Keep looking at it ok? Alright, 1-2-3 here we go" she said as she lightly poured the deep orange-red solution on his raw knee.

His hand instantly squeezed hers. Hard enough that she thought he might break all of her fingers and they would both end up in the ER tonight. “Oh my FUCKING HELL ALLIE WHAT THE FUCK” he yelled back at the ceiling, his whole body flinching and tightening, his breaths sharp and short. He completely stopped breathing at one point.

“It’s alright, it’s almost over. Try to take some deep breaths. Keep looking at the poster. Here.” She quickly and softly dabbed away the excess liquid with the washcloth and quickly picked up the Neosporin with the only free hand she had available. She squeezed a generous amount over the red and exposed skin of his wound. She gingerly spread it around the raw edges of his injury and noticed his breathing began to slow. His muscles began to relax and his grip on her hand loosened. 

“There, that should start numbing everything. How is it feeling now?” His breaths were deeper, slower.

“Well that fucking sucked.” He tried to smile at her through deep breaths and a slight grimace on his face. “But I think, I think it’s starting to feel better now. Thank you. Holy shit. I swear I am never letting anyone leave anything in the yard again. Never. Not ever.”

“Alright, good. I’m glad it’s starting to feel a bit better for you. And now-” she trailed off herself this time. His forehead was covered in sweat, the dark curls of his hair hung over it. He was looking up at her with bright but deep blue eyes, his face still betraying worry. She hadn’t noticed that he had slid most of the way down the wall and was practically prone on her floor now.

But she began to notice. She noticed the dark navy Henley he was wearing and how it gripped his shoulders and arms, the buttons slightly undone. She noticed the slate gray pants he had on and how her own hand was still clasped around one part of them, held at his knee. She noticed the slightly scuffed white sneakers he was wearing. _Those look like Adidas sneakers. I wonder if my oldest would like a pair?_

She noticed the way that their hands were still touching.

“And now what? Now what, Allie?” Worry lines deepened across his brow. He didn’t move his hand from hers.

She shook the thoughts of him from her head and picked up the last two things that sat between them. “And now, because you were so very brave, you get to pick- Minecraft or Frozen?” She held up the two boxes of bandaids, one in each of her hands.

He closed his eyes and relief flooded his face. “Minecraft PLEASE. I swear I can’t take one more instance of Frozen in my life.”

“Minecraft it is then.” She opened the box, shaking it to see what sizes were still left. “Ok, well, these are only meant for tiny cuts and scrapes, and I have enough here to cover about ¾ of that gash. So it looks like you are gonna have to come to terms with a few more instances of Frozen in your life. Well on your knee anyway. A franken-bandage if you will. I’m sure your daughters will love it.” He rolled his eyes upwards again and she felt a small smile travel across her face. She knew on Monday she would be regaled with the tale of ‘Daddy’s Elsa bandaid and how he almost died’ from his youngest. 

As she began to put the bandages across his knee, he looked to her. “What are you so happy about? I almost died right here in your hallway.” his hand weakly and vaguely flourishing around the foyer. A small smile pricked at the edges of his mouth. “Oh nothing, just can’t wait to hear about your near death experience from your daughter in class on Monday.” Her eyes shone brightly at him as he started to sit up and laugh from a place deep within him.

“Well looks like we're all done here. You're as good as new, if not a little worse for the wear. Thank you for coming to my urgent care, Mr. Hader.” She said as he started to drag himself up along the wall, using it as a support. 

When he came to a hunched-over stand, he leaned back against the wall again. “Well thank you, Ms. Pearson.” His face held a grimace as he spoke. He was trying to put weight on his injured knee again.

“Ok, Bill. Careful” she said, her eyes rolling, steadying herself to catch him if his leg gave out. “What else can I do for you this evening?"

“Oh, you’ve done quite enough. Thanks.” He was standing all the way up now, his frame fully upright, towering over her again. But his smile had returned and he looked down at her with something more than appreciation. She couldn’t quite place it. 

“Can I help you back home?” She turned to put her shoulder and arm back under him, willing to be a crutch for him again.

But now he was looking towards her living room. It was pitch black in there, save for the TV above her empty fireplace. The soft glow from its screen sent light and shadows all across the room. She had forgotten she had left it on.

“What’s going on in there? Is that on TCM?” He turned his eyes back down to her, his back still leaning against the wall.

“‘Well, yes. The Exorcist was coming on tonight. I was hoping to watch it but I think by now I’ve missed the start of it.” She stood up fully next to him, trying to get a point across.Trying to let him know, without saying, that she wanted to watch this alone. Her eyes only managed to make it to his chin. 

“Oh man, I wanted to watch it, too! Before all of this happened” he gestured vaguely at his right knee, his back still against the wall, his eyes turned back towards her living room.

“Well let me drag you on back home so you can” she said, once again trying to put her small frame under his. She noticed he smelled like Old Spice _He probably got his deodorant at Walgreens. Oh god he probably gets all of his groceries there. He probably gets everything there. This is a man lost._

Her arms were now under and around him, his deep water eyes still staring into her living room. He was fixated. At that point she knew there was no trying to drag him anywhere. Not even home. His voice started up again and startled her.

“Ok, well, you know what, I have an idea. Let’s go sit down in there instead.” As he said this, his arms left her and he worked his way to her couch with a speed that surprised her, using his hand on the wall to steady himself. Before she could even say one more word to him, he had already reached and then planted himself on the couch. His eyes now taking in every single frame that projected itself from the screen.

She made her way back to the fridge and kitchen area that sat directly behind the living room. "Well can I get you something to drink? A snack?"

"Sure." He said, his eyes never leaving the screen.

She sighed as she opened the door to her fridge. It had been a week since she had been to the grocery store. And half of the things that were still in there were science experiments at this point. But he was her guest now and she needed to offer him something. 

“Ok well, here’s what I have. So just let me know. Ok so, I have water and tea and coffee” She paused, hoping he would pick one of those. When he didn’t, she continued. “Alright, it looks like I also have some Sprite, a knocked over container of Hi-C, a few Rolling Rocks-”

“I’ll take one Hi-C please!” he practically shouted from his place on the couch.

“Great choice. This is an excellent vintage.” she said as she picked it up and looked at the expiration on the bottle, the date long gone. She searched in her cabinet for a cup for him and his Hi-C, when her eyes settled on one way in the back. It was perfect. For this punch and for him tonight. She couldn’t help but smile to herself.

Once she had gathered his request and had fixed a giant bowl of popcorn, she arranged them all on small tray and brought it over to the coffee table, where his feet currently took up space. His white sneakers rested below him under the table. The fortified gash on his knee now seemed to be a distant memory as he stared wide eyed at the screen in front of him.

As she found a space to set the tray down, she glanced over to him. He had on two different socks. Two completely different styles of socks even. She could see this because his right pant leg was still rolled up above his knee. One was a low sock meant for running. And the other one, was it a dress sock? This was a man lost in more ways than she had previously thought. Not helpless though, just wandering along through a fog he seems to not be able to see out from or through.

“Have you never seen this before?” He broke his concentration away from the TV for just a moment to look up at her.

“This was probably one of the first scary movies I ever saw. My dad showed it to me.” 

She sat down next to him, just far enough away. Just far enough away from what? She asked herself as she put her feet up on the coffee table alongside his. _I don't know what it's 'just far enough away from', ok? Why can't you just shut up and---_

"So this is a 'shoes-on' house?" The timber of his voice stopped and cleared her thoughts.

"I'm sorry, what?" She tried to shake her mind free as she saw him reach for the popcorn she had set down.

"Those are pretty rad." He said, pointing to her low top, blackout Chucks that were resting on the edge of the table. They were covered in ghost stickers. Her class had covered them with tiny spirits and ghouls this morning. She had completely forgotten. 

Her thoughts wandered back to earlier that day.

"Ms. Pearson! Where's your costume?" She was surrounded by tiny Captain Americas and Wonder Women and Elsas and Hulks. “You need a costume! It’s Halloween!” 

“I know! I know, I’m sorry guys. I seemed to have forgotten my cape at home.” 

A little dark haired Elsa walked toward her. “I have an idea! Look! I just found these! We can make your costume for you!” Her smile was bright and giddy as she held up a packet of ghost stickers she had found in the craft closet on some forgotten shelf. “YEAH! LET’S MAKE YOUR COSTUME RIGHT NOW!” the other children had shouted as they leapt forward to grab any stickers from the packet as quickly as they could.

“I don’t know guys. Let’s just.. Wait. Hold on. Hold on!” But it was too late. The children were already mashing the stickers all over her shoes and the legs of her jeans.

“There. Now you are a ghost. And you are very, VERY spooky.” the little Elsa said as she placed the last sticker that could be found on the center of the knot that Allie had tied in her shoes that morning. The children backed away to admire their handiwork.

“Oh Ms. Pearson! You ARE a spooky ghost now!” “Now you have a costume like us!” “You look so scary!” “Booo!” Their tiny outcries were a beautiful cacophony in her head. She was so very glad for them. But I will never see the end to these stickers, they’re going to be everywhere. Oh why did I forget that stupid cape at home.-

“So you let your kids keep their shoes on in the house?” Bill’s voice beside her directed her back to the present.

“No, I mean not really. I just forgot I had them on. You know, you almost dying in my hallway must have distracted me from all of my sensibilities.” she said as she slipped them off and slid them under the table next to his.

She leaned back against the couch and watched as he absentmindedly took his cup of expired punch from the tray. Just as he was about to take a sip, he noticed the design emblazoned all around it. It was of a blonde princess, dressed in blue. Her hands were open, sharp peaks of ice exploding from each of her palms.

“Very funny” he sighed, placing the small plastic cup back onto the table. As she doubled over in laughter beside him, she saw a giant grin slink its way across his face, wrinkling his eyes. 

“Well, I guess this means war. So watch your back Pearson.” he said, his chaotic grin belying his halfway serious tone.

"You're going to die up there." a little voice said. Allie jumped forward and looked around. Did his girls come home early and find us here? Did mine? Her thoughts raced.

Bill put his hand on her trembling shoulder and pointed to the TV. “It’s just Regan. It’s ok. But you’re missing it though. When did you say you first saw this?” he said, popcorn muffling his words.

“Oh” she looked around the room once more, just in case, and settled back down on the couch next to him. Maybe a little closer than she was before. “Well my dad, he brought home the tape for us to watch when I was maybe 12? He thought I was old enough, that I was brave enough to handle it. And I thought so, too. I think I was back then. But maybe I’m not anymore.” She felt that deep chill settling into her bones again, no icy wind required this time.

She pulled her cardigan close anyway.

“Really? My dad did the same kind of stuff with me. Bringing home movies I was a little too young and unready to watch. Waking me up in the middle of the night to watch things with him.” As he said this, he settled into his spot more deeply and slung his left arm over the top of the couch behind her. 

His eyes still faced the screen in front of him as he made this motion all at once. She noticed that his hand had grazed her shoulder as he had put it to rest on the top of the couch. Goosebumps blossomed on her skin at his soft and absentminded touch. She wanted to shake that away, but she didn't. She slightly turned her face to him, and she began to notice things again. Things she had never bothered to notice before now. Things about him. He stared forward, absentmindedly scooping popcorn into his free hand, the bowl now resting on his lap. She noticed the slight, dark waves of his hair falling towards his face. She noticed how his eyes seemed to change color, from blue to gray to green and then back again, depending on what flickered across the screen. She noticed how his hands seemed so rough and easy at the same time. She remembered what they felt like before. She noticed him.

She caught herself staring and turned her face quickly away from him. He is your neighbor. He is the father of one of your students. Just watch the movie. 

When she looked back at the TV, she saw a little girl transformed there. Tied to a bed, spitting out hate and words she didn’t know. A man was standing over her, a crucifix in his hand. She had forgotten about this part. It felt like she had forgotten the whole movie. Maybe she had blocked the whole of it out. Maybe she wasn’t brave then or now. 

All of a sudden the house shook, and she couldn’t tell if it was hers or the one on the screen. It was LA, so for a moment she felt justified in her fear. Her mind quickly ran over which pieces of furniture that she had remembered to anchor to the walls. 

As all of those thoughts ran desperately through her mind, she cried out and out of instinct. And she turned to the only person who was there. Him and his side. Her face and shoulders buried themselves into his ribcage. She felt his left arm come down from its place on the back of the couch and wrap around her side.

“Was that just the movie or was that the house?” she asked, not daring to open her eyes or move away from where she had taken cover against him.

“No, it’s ok. It was just the movie. You’re alright. It’s ok.” his words were muffled against her ears, his arm lightly crossing one, the other pressed against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. 

Their positions of help were now reversed. Only an hour ago she was nursing him back to health in her hallway. Holding his hand through the hard parts. And now look at where she had ended up. Her face buried in the ribcage of her neighbor. The father of one of her students. Because of what? A movie that she had never been this frightened of before, even when she was little. A movie she had been looking forward to watching. Alone. 

She braved a look up. Everything was still. Only the images on the TV shook. His arm still rested around her.

She braved another look, further up. At him. Up at his face. She was almost as scared as she was before because now he was looking down at her with a portion of concern. The other portion seemed to be filled with something close to a deep warmth. His contagious smile had found its way to his face once again. She felt humiliated, embarrassment flooding every part of her being. 

“I’m, I’m really sorry. That was very, unprofessional.” She said as she pulled herself away from him, shrugging his arm away from her. His arm found its place on the couch behind her once again. 

“No, it wasn’t. I always forget how distressing and disconcerting that this movie actually is. I haven’t seen it in a long time either.” He was still looking at her. Deep wells of blue looked within her. “Ok, well tell me this. What is something that truly terrifies you, but isn’t horrifying? Maybe we can see if something else is on where you won’t be worried about being scared sitting next to me.” He started to pick up the remote from the coffee table.

“Being alone.” She blurted this out without warning. She felt out of control in that moment. She hadn’t meant to say that at all, not out loud, not to anyone, ever. Not even to herself. And certainly, especially not out loud to him.

He froze, for just a moment. The remote to her TV was still in his hand, his body halfway in between sitting forward and leaning back. 

In the next moment he leaned all the way back against the couch, settling into his spot once again.

“Yeah, well, you know what? Me, too.” A giant sigh escaped him and his eyes were set forward and seemed to be looking a thousand miles away.

“I’m sorry, I really am. I didn’t mean to-” as she scrambled to let this out, he placed a warm hand around her shoulder. He breathed another giant sigh, this one making its way out of his nostrils. 

“No, no, please don’t apologize. If I’m being honest with myself, it’s the most terrifying thing for me, too. I agree with you. Unfortunately so, for the both of us.”

She took her eyes away from him and looked down at her feet. She hadn’t realized it, but her entire body had tensed up, from her legs to her back. As she leaned herself back and rested herself against the soft pillows of the couch once more, she reached her hand up to his hand. His hand that was still was still around her. She brushed small circles onto his palm once again. Another sigh rose from within him and he laid his head back and closed his eyes. The soft fells of the dark waves of his hair encircled his face. 

She hoped he might sense the tension between her shoulders. Maybe he would put his hand there. Maybe he would feel it and-

“Nothing in this world can beat the feeling of being touched.” He cut his eyes at her abruptly. “That came out wrong,I meant-”

“I know what you meant, I promise. I know exactly what you meant.” Their eyes met and she nodded at him. His head rolled back over as she kept up her light touch on his hand, his body sinking more deeply into the cushions. 

His other hand still held the remote. He had found his way back to TCM.

It’s A Wonderful Life had begun playing.

She nudged his shoulder. “I guess it’s not Halloween anymore. I guess it’s time for Christmas movies now. No more spooky stuff. No more scary things. No more horror, now.”

“What makes you think that this isn’t a horror story?” He straightened back up.

“‘Well, because it was a beautiful story? And because of how it ended?” She felt like she knew she was right, but at the moment she felt intimidated by him and his obviously vast knowledge of movies and their true meanings.

“Yeah, it had a happy ending. But honestly, the whole majority of this movie is akin to gratification porn.” He was sitting up next to her again. He turned his eyes towards her again.They seemed to be gray now and were searching within hers. 

“Why would you say that?” She was incredulous. “He was about to throw himself off a bridge. And then everyone came together to help him. They saved him and his store and his family!” His body began to sink back down into the couch. Their hands separated. His arm disconnected from around her. He started to slide back to where he had been. 

She looked down at where he had slunk back into the couch. His bright eyes, still rimmed with a tint of red, still looked intensely back at her. He had never taken them away from her.

“And what happens next? The next time he owes money? The next time he can’t pay his rent? What happens then? Will he try to kill himself again? So that the community will come together again? And finance his bad decisions one more time? And then how many more times after that?” He seemed to really want an answer to these questions from her.

“I- I don’t know. I thought it was a sweet movie. I thought it was about redemption.” In that moment she felt less than. She turned her face and eyes away from him. Tears were beginning to well up there. Her arms now crossed her midsection. For some reason she felt defensive. Almost as if she were finally coming to certain realizations. The first one was that he had, without warning, ruined one of her favorite Christmas movies. And the next one was that she had noticed him when she shouldn’t have. And he had not noticed her. Not in any real way. Not in any meaningful way. He hadn’t noticed her at all. She felt so small in that moment. That was something she had vowed she would never let herself feel again. But it had happened without warning. Just all of a sudden. Just like that. She began to feel like she was falling.

She hadn’t noticed, but he had pulled himself back into a seated position. As much as he could on the couch. His knee was still giving him problems.

“‘Hey, hey. I’m sorry.” As he spoke those words, his arm fell across her again and he pulled her into his side. She allowed him this gesture and leaned back into him, but her face was now in her hands. She felt like she had embarrassed herself one too many times in front of him. First with The Exorcist and now with It’s A Wonderful Life? How could she even look up at him again. She cursed herself inside her mind. 

“Hey. Hey. Look at me.” As he said this he put one finger gently to her chin and softly lifted her face to meet his. To meet his eyes. She obliged and let her face be turned up to to his. But she kept her eyes down and cast away. 

“Look, I’m sorry Ive been such a dick tonight. Especially now. There was no reason for it. I just can’t help myself sometimes when it comes to discussing movies. And this was obviously the wrong time. I’m so sorry. Truly.” He still had her head turned up towards his, his hand gentle against her chin. She ventured a peek up, to the deep sea held within his eyes that looked down at her. 

“‘I just, I feel a little embarrassed right now. Like maybe you would have enjoyed both of these movies better on your own. I feel very, well, so very beneath your league right now.”’ She did not like the words that were leaving her lips, but they were out there now. 

He let go of her face gently, taking both of his arms away from her. He leaned forward, rubbing the tops of his thighs. As he was leaned forward again, he tried his best to sit back up straight. Her side and face still rested against him, where he had pulled her into him. 

“I’m so sorry. Please know that was not my intention. And now look what I've done.” He gestured around the room. Towards the TV, towards the bowl of popcorn and the cup with the queen of ice covering each side. Towards their shoes sitting side by side.

“I've kept you from your own night of peace and quiet. I’m so sorry.” He tried to stand again, but gave up. She could see the pain of his injury still traveled across his face. 

As he was gesturing around her living room and trying to stand, she noticed how much she missed his hand gently touching her face. But she had kept her head right there where he had left it. Up against his side, right next to his chest. She was listening to his heartbeat again. It was quick. 

He gave up trying to get up and began to slow himself down, to slow his thoughts down. At that point he must have noticed that she was still planted against his side. He gently set his arm down around her again.

“I would not have enjoyed watching those movies alone.” She was no longer looking up at him, her face still against his chest. “And why would you ever say that you’re beneath my league?”

She knew his eyes were on her. Looking down at her and where she was. She didn’t move.

She heard him take several deep breaths from somewhere far above where her head rested. She felt his chest rise and expand deeply. His breaths out leaving in slow streams. 

“You’re not beneath me, or whatever league you think I belong in. You’re not beneath any of that or anything else.” She felt him lean towards her again, his hand gently finding the swell of her cheek. He wouldn’t draw her face to him again. He only just rested his hand gently on the side of her face, his other hand slowly finding its way back to her shoulders.

“‘Please tell me you know that you are so much more than a stupid discussion about a movie. You are an incredible mother and teacher. And you saved at least one life tonight.” At this she brought her eyes back up to his. His eyes shone down at her again. They seemed to be welled up with a pain that she immediately recognized.

In the background, George was running through the streets, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. He wasn’t looking both ways. She couldn’t help but think about it.

“Did I?” Her eyes welled with the same pain. His grip tightened around her shoulder, his other hand moving from her face and finding her waist. His touch was electric against her skin. 

“Yes. Yes you did.” He leaned down to her, his eyes wet. She thought he might kiss her. But instead he embraced her. And now his head was buried in her chest. Maybe he’s listening to your heartbeat now. Shudders shot up her spine and throughout her limbs.

She leaned back and distractedly brought a pillow behind her back as she did. His embrace was warm and welcome, but he was a large and heavy man. They gently laid back together, her hands guiding his arms and the rest of his weight off of her and to the side so she could breathe. He didn’t protest. His right arm slid under her left side, his left softly came to embrace her right side. He was facing her, his back to the TV. 

Her left arm had settled under his neck as they had laid down. She felt herself cradle him there. Her right hand moved and she felt the skin of his shoulder, surprised to feel it. His t-shirt must have bunched itself up there as they had moved. Her hand traveled slowly and gently and lightly down the length of his left arm, hoping to comfort him. She felt slight goosebumps on his skin as her hand passed by. She looked down at him once more. His eyes were still wet and red and filled with pain. They still looked up to her. They were so heavy. He yawned. 

The TV started playing Miracle On 34th Street.

“Oh look what’s on- is this a horror too?” she said, only half joking. She was cradling him in her arms now, stroking his dark hair away from his face. 

He turned his face halfway to see what it was. His eyes low and lidded. 

“No, not this one. Not tonight anyway.” and he turned his face back to her, back into her, his eyes closing and his breathing becoming deeper and deeper. Slowing.

She could only just see above the top of his head, so she watched what she could as she felt herself drift off and away. 

She felt like she was floating. It was a sensation she didn’t ever remember feeling before. And then there was pain. A pain she knew she had felt before, but why now? What was happening? A million different bright colors swirled around the darkness that she found herself in.

A voice called to her from a million miles away.

“Allie? Allie! Are you ok? Oh my gosh, oh no, oh I’m so sorry” the voice continued. It went on and on and on and all she could think of were the colors bright in the darkness. A pain from somewhere outside of her mind. She was no longer floating. Her body felt like it was prone on a hard and fuzzy surface.

“Oh my god, I dropped you. I hit your head against the wall and I dropped you.” The voice would not shut up. And neither would this pain and the lights that danced around her.

As she felt the soft surface beneath her, her palms sliding over it, she slowly began to find her grip back onto reality. She opened her eyes slowly, squinting against the lights that were still there against the blackness of her vision, and the soft lights of her house that illuminated the darkness around her. 

A man was there. The dark outline of his frame took up most of her vision. He was leaning over her. His motions were frantic and close and caring. This shadow meant her no harm. 

She began to try to sit up and the voice, the shadow man, started up again.

“I’m so sorry, I was, I was trying to carry you to bed, but then I realized that I don’t know your house or where your bedroom is. I went down the hall and it was, it was pitch black, and I just turned one way. Right into the wall. I didn’t look both ways, I just, I don't know what I was thinking, I just thought I was going the right way. I’m so so sorry Allie. are you ok?” The shadow man and his voice would not stop.The shadow was spiraling. And all she wanted was a quiet space. For just a moment, to gather herself, to figure out what the fuck was going on. 

“Shhhhhh.” She threw her pointer finger up to where the voice was coming from. She sat up more and felt her head throb. Her hand made its way to the back of her head. She felt a welt beginning to form. Touching it brought back the rainbow of stars to the front of her vision. 

“I'm so so sorry. I was trying to do… I don't know what i was trying to do. I think I was trying to be nice, like be a gentleman? But then I couldn’t find your room and my knee gave up. It fucking gave out. Its fucking bullshit right now. And then… I hit your head into the wall and dropped you. Oh god, Allie I’m so sorry.” 

The voice and shadow were still over her. The voice full of concern. 

She looked up at this form once more. She thought she recognized it and the voice finally. It was Bill. Her vision was blurry and she was seeing double. But she thought she knew it was him.

Her vision was failing her at that point, but as soon as she realized it was Bill, her memory lit up. His knee. The movies. Falling asleep together…

Her eyes batted open and closed again and again for what she felt was an eternity. She felt her back and her whole being laid on top of something soft her hands reaching out and touching- the new carpeting in her hallway was beneath her.

The man who was a shadow looked desperately back and forth between her eyes.

"It's okay, I'm alright." She said as she shoved her elbows back and lifted herself up off of the floor.

When she got into a seated position she saw Bill kneeling in front of her, one knee down one knee up like a man ready to propose. Concern for her swept across his face, his eyes darting back and forth between her and where she had landed.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I-" He kept repeating himself over and over.

"Stop. It's okay." She lifted a hand to her head once again, and held her hand out to him so he could help her up.

They both stood. 

"Come on-" she said she turned away from him and stuck her hand out back toward him, suddenly needing him to take her hand.

She suddenly felt the warmth of his palm against hers, the darkness was no hindrance between them now.

She felt her way down the hallway touching the walls on each side until she found her room, there has always tightly grasped. The blind leading the blind.

As they entered her bedroom soft light entered in through the two windows that's on the opposite side of her bed, casting everything in shadows and soft blue tones.

She stopped and turned to him. She looked up into his eyes, soft and glistening.

"I'm so sorry. Are you sure you don't have a concussion?" Bill looked down at her, his eyes were red and full of regrets.

"No, I'm ok. I think I might lay down though." She backed away from him and sat down on her bed, their hands falling away from each other.

"I think you might so I think I want to sit right here with you until I know you're okay" he said this as he slunk down onto the floor next to her, his weight making a small 'thunk' next to her as he tried to sit straighten out his spine against her nightstand. The nightstand that was all edges and brass knobs. A genuine antique her grandmother had passed down to her. 

Allie looked at him as he struggled to find a way to sit and rest against her nightstand, every face he made was a wince in one way or the other, back, knee, head. His body is squirmed left and right, trying to find a way to be comfortable.

Allie could not stand to watch him in this dance between comfort and pain anymore.

"Bill, come on. It's ok. Come on up here." 

She patted the space next to her on her bed.

They exchanged a glance, but it was fleeting and gone before they even knew what it meant or might mean.

"Are you sure?"

"Oh my gosh yes. Come on up here you dummy."

His eyes went wide and he stifled a laugh. "Whatever you say Ms. Pearson."

He lifted his leaky body from the floor and limped his way over to the other side of the bed. He sat down and lifted the covers up and over him. He turned his body toward her at the same time she turned hers toward him.

Their eyes met in the dark and the quiet. Their eyes met in the blue tones of the way that starlight and street lights can light up a room in the middle of the night.

Bill's hand trailed lazily up her right arm, his eyes beginning to close. Allie's flesh pricked at his touch.

She turned away from him but then she felt his arms gather her up and move her ever so slightly closer to him. His arms were strong around her but gentle in a way that one would handle something so very delicate. Bill's hand still slowly traced up and down her arm. Allie's eyes began to close...

The sounds of children laughing and dishes crashing caused Allie's eyes to fly open without warning.

Sunlight screamed in through the blinds.

WAIT. WHAT TIME IS IT.

Allie thrust her hand to her nightstand searching for her phone. 

It wasn't there. 

But she shifted her eyes just enough to see that her alarm clock was blinking 10:15. She was supposed to pick her kids up that morning at 9:00.

Panic set in as she looked to her left, a large form lay there, breaths rising and falling steadily.

To her right her door kicked open. Her head jerked sharply towards the sudden intrusion. He was there, standing darkly in a sunlit hallway.

He made his way over to her and knelt down next to her.

"Where were you? We waited forever."

His eyes flicked over and past her to the form that now had slowly risen up.

"Ah, I see. Too busy trying to get laid to even think about picking up your own children. Everything about you sickens me."

Her ex stood up quickly and made his way out of her room and out of her house. She heard the front door slam shut. The laughter from the kitchen continued.

Allie, hurt and filled with shame, looked over toward Bill.

His body now upright, his phone in his hand frantically searching through his messages.

Their eyes met. "I- I'm so sorry. I know I must have messed everything up for you this morning and I just feel horrible I am so sorry I-" Allie stuttered and spoke and strutted this again. She didn't have the words to tell him how sorry she was. 

Her eyes raced to the floor and around the room and to him and to the floor and back again. Her mind and her whole being were racing.

Bill grabbed her hand and put another soft hand under her chin.

"Stop. That's okay. There's no need for sorries.

I slept through my alarm and I am late to pick up my girls. It's okay. We slept through our alarms, it happens and it's okay. I'm just lucky that their mom seems to be much more forgiving than your ex."

He reached a tentative hand behind her back and rubbed it in small circles before quickly drawing it away.

His hand against her skin, her skin around him flared up in both of their minds.

Something was there…

A new wish they both had separately and together in that moment.

But even then, their eyes were down and away from each other.

Faint laughter made its way under the door. Small chimes of notifications begin to echo from his phone. They looked over at one another. Their eyes worried, brows furrowed.

They had forgotten to look both ways. 


End file.
